Oh God, I’m fallin’ in love again. I hate it when I say that.
I’m falling in love again. The words I didn’t wish would come out of my mouth nor pass my mind ever again because loving drained the soul out of me.
I became desperate, trying to fit in into someone’s life. I don’t want to see myself begging anymore.
If love comes my way, I hope I don’t always have to doubt about a third party, worry about his vices and drinking, or fear that my love, my overflowing and hopeful and unconditional and prayerful love won’t be noticed and reciprocated.
I’m tired of loving. I want to be loved. When love comes my way, I hope I don’t have to dress too much to impress him, or I don’t have to worry about how I caress his hands or think that he will break my heart. Love has been a traumatic word for me, but I can’t help but to think about the idea of falling in love, to love, and to be loved back. I mean, doesn’t it feel good when you’re with a person you can call your ‘home’?
Kasi ang pag-ibig, kusa naman yang dumadating eh. It’s natural. Hindi siya dapat ipilit. Hindi ka dapat nag-aalala. Hindi mo kailangan mag-overthink. Hindi mo kailangang maging magarbo, sobrang ganda, o mayaman para magustuhan. Hindi laging ikaw dapat ang nagpaparinig sa Facebook o IG notes. Hindi laging dapat ikaw ang mag first move. Hindi kailanman kailangang ipilit ang ayaw. Kasi ang puso, hindi mo yan kayang diktahan. Titibok at titibok yan sa ayaw at sa gusto mo.
Someday I will love and be loved back. Someday, someone will love me, and I will love him harder. Someday, love will no longer be a word of hurt and trauma, but a definition of peace and blossom.
Darating at darating rin ang para sa’yo. May walong bilyon ang tao sa mundo.
“Kung ayaw, may dahilan. Kung gusto, palaging merong paraan.”
-Antukin (Rico Blanco)
